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Birth Day

2012-01-27T23:23:00.001Z

Today I wake up just to realise I'm 15 again. I'm in the classroom looking around thinking this has happened before. Everything's in sephia. The crap music, the dusty floors, the typical Malaysian classroom. It's empty. I'm in my uniform and I hv the same exact feeling as I did then. Clueless mostly, scared, but simply not a care in the world about what people are doing. When you're in school, the goal was clear. And all the other worldly matters doesn't seem to matter much. I'm at my seat and theres just a blur of the other students. They're all sorta transparent, and I'm just there staring at me. But at the same time, we are one person, both 15 and now. And I'm sitting there knowing that I know more than other people, that I'm actually older, and I have greater goals to worry about. I'm sitting there knowing that i have progressed through years of life experience and simply finding myself in this classroom again knowing that I have seen so much.
And then I woke up again. I'm 26. And I feel exactly the same way. Like i'm just passing by at a time revisited, and everyone else is a little transparent.

The benchmark

2012-01-22T22:57:00.001Z

It's great to look at people and see the similarities that we have with each other and wonder whether our lives are gonna turn out the way theirs have. Truth is, we're very different as individuals, we have different lives, and we've been through very different challenges in our lives. We're not the same. It's great that we have some ideas of how people would live their lives but our upbringging, the tv we watched, the internet sites we look at, the books we read, and the ppl we've talked to has not been the same. So when we make the mistake of assuming that others would share our understanding of life, the way that it is clear to us, then we're wrong. Because we might not understand certain things as well as they do and they certainly might not get what we see in things. Today I'm gonna tell you that there are plenty of idiots out there that does ot understand this concept and is going to try to force whatever lame lives they have on to you. As long as you keep being different and be bold enough to take different steps in life, you can rest assured that you won't turn out to be like them. Who should you become? Well, if you need to try and immitate the lives of someone, read about those who have been very successful in life and keep them close. Your peers, most of them are not worth listening to cos they havent got much.

So, todays lesson: If you don't read and you don't make writing a habit, you will get lost in the fantasy of thinking you're learning from experience.

Weekly Update

2012-01-21T18:00:00.001Z

A little update on my situation: I will be at the Sunway Putra Hotel (formerly The Legend) for a week. Family vacay! A time which I shall spend hitting the gym and then a warm bath for hours on end. I have gone into that mode where I get frustrated with my current weight again and a built up towards and obsession of trying to get in shape. Just got another pair of running shoes which I aim to destroy by the end of the week. I will not succeed but I often prove myself to be wrong. That is a double negative and you know what that leads to. Just had an early birthday celebration just now with all the family and extended families. It was fun and I think I've been brought up to really understand what constitues as fun and what is just some superficial pretention of what happiness is. To turn another year older in a situation where I am still struggling as a businessman might be a bit daunting but if you know what makes you happy and learn to appreciate the things that really matters in life, like a great quality time with the family, makes life so much more easy to get by with. I think sometimes most of us are too focused on what we think would make us happy, that we work our whole lives trying to get that idea of happiness not realising that we can choose to be happy right now. Its a simple choice. Do that.

Relationships

2012-01-21T17:48:00.001Z

The relationships I have with women is that of avoidance and I have reached to a realisation that my points of views is not fully understood by most of my peers. Perhaps its a cultural difference that stems from the different environment that we grew up in. It is not that I have to keep fighting them off like I'm some kind of a rock star but perhaps I have this friendly vibe that has become a pleasant refuge to a formula that will land me into the friend zone. Its a good place to be and with the current goals I set for myself in life, it will continue to serve me well and allow me to be free to explore my options. And you of all people should know that I like exploring options in life.
The conclusion to this has always been the same; the empowering notion of "to understand all, is to forgive all". The lesson for you today is, should you find yourself having to deal with frustrating discussions regarding life concepts that does not seem to reflect what you feel should be right in this world, take a step back and wonder where people are coming from. Only then can you confidently dismiss their ideas which in reality does not really apply to your situation. Call me stubborn or self-indulged, but it is a curse that I seem to constantly think that I am way beyond my time. Good night people! :)

Post it

2012-01-17T22:55:00.001Z

When you write a lot of things, sometimes you lost track of them. I won't say its great if I meet people who've read my writings and in a way, it is rather awkward if they tell me point blank that they've read what I've written before. But I guess you just have to keep doing what you like. As far as passion is concerned, I think I've formulated a concept whereby I rule out my effort of trying to make anything work if I sense that they do not like my writing. I think whatever I've written has captured most of who I am and if people cannot appreciate it, then it is difficult. It just means that they don't read or they disagree with my concepts of extreme empathy where I take no stand but to understand all and make my best judgements based on what is important in that exact moment in time. If you hate this, the next time I see you, its awkward.

English

2012-01-15T18:00:00.001Z

I like speaking English. It creates a barrier, a distance that most are unwilling to cross. It offers some distance in accessing me as a person.
I guess I like distance, a space to breathe. Occasionally, you let someone into your space to share that breathing space, to open up, to share your views about the world.
And when it hits a point where you realise that they start taking you for granted, dismiss your values, and simply regards you as an insignificant part of their lives, well, you just start speaking English again.
It's my personal hideout.

Sunday.

2012-01-08T07:54:00.001Z

Perhaps the true value of any relationship does not lie in what should be the case, but rather in the belief that what should be the case will eventually find its way through the willingness to work towards them.

This is for me.

2012-01-05T16:58:00.001Z

You may join in at the expense of getting overly influenced by my train of thoughts. But for most part, I make it a point to occasionally drop a post here as a record of my existence. It has proven to establish great recordings of my past and not much thoughts are put into blogging all this.
I still remember the golden days of blogging where my sister and I used to blog a lot. We use to say that blogging should just flow naturally. It should just simply convey our thoughts in that moment of time. With not much effort put into the posts, only then can it become sustainable and capture the essence of who we are.
I remember this because I blogged and perhaps it is a hobby I was not aware I had. You should keep a blog, a journal, a diary, or whatever it is that may capture who you are, who you were, and who you would wish to become. Because we're forgetful and we seldom reflect.

We are all disconnected.

2012-01-05T16:48:00.000Z

In our efforts to align ourselves with as many people as we can, we sometimes forget that we are all separate; in the sense that everyone has their own lives to live. We constantly feel the need to judge a person and worry about our achievements in regards to everyone else's. We establish bench-marking concepts to our lives and try to compete with whoever we deem is worth competing with.
Our satisfaction comes from having performed better and we get frustrated when we don't.
I think it is also important that we take ourselves off this burden of feeling connected and face back the reality that we are all disconnected. It gives us the confidence and the ability to be open enough to appreciate the good in others. Life should not be lived based on the anger and resentments we have against other people just because we feel that they are doing better than us. Their lives have nothing to do with us.
We do not have the responsibility and the burden to worry about them and judge them whether they are good or not. The burden should be on us to judge ourselves.
People like to say, "only God can judge me." I'm sure only He can. But do we care enough to judge ourselves and change as if God is judging us? Hopefully we do.

Hi again... Again.

2012-01-03T15:54:00.001Z

Over the years I have made many dumb posts to this blog. Posts of which gradually change based on the mood of my unsettled human heart. But the one thing that has remained is the perseverence and survival of this publication which in compilation reflects the many years I have lived. You have got to move on with life but if you can build on everything you've experience and connect everything together in appreciation of what it is or was, you may have a lot to show for after the many insignificant moments that you may have thought worth forgetting.

Sell fish

2012-01-03T15:52:00.001Z

I have never changed despite the many leaps I have taken in my life. Every step has been a quest to stay true and be expressively acccurate about who I am and where I am coming from. Circumstances change and we have to adapt to the changing times and figure out what would be best for us in the future. But despite all that, remain true to your core values and principle which you believe makes you unique and stand out from the rest. It is with this that you may contribute to the world in the best way you can. Be true to how you feel and hold on to the truest feelings that reassure you that you are doing what is best for everyone.
In the attempts to achieve what you desire, don't forget that the lives of others are affected by the choices you make.
I try to be the best person that I can. A good person. And I shall stand by that confidence that I am one and hope that God will guide me in my speech and actions.

Things I've always wondered...

2012-01-02T15:39:00.002Z

Its been a while since I've talked to myself here and share my self reflections with you.
i've always wondered about life and why things happen. Like why anyone wouldn't consider my points of view as I would theirs.
Or why most people don't like to discuss about ideas and life theories as how I would structure my thinking.
I've made bad choices in life and I've made many mistakes and we're here to constantly make up for them and just work things out.
Love and friendships could be mend from the little mistakes that we made instead of focusing on the problems that has risen, we should totally work out solutions to those problems.
Talking about it should lead to a solution instead of making things worse, because whatever we've gone through together before, and how close we are to each other should withstand any insignificant conflicts that come through the test of time.
I've also always wondered why people would get so caught up in themselves and trying to prove that they are better than the rest of us while u should rejoice for ur friends successes and achievements. Most of the time, we're just looking to share our happiness with you and its not about competing with each other.
We should also take chances in life. Yes, we should. But the refusal to do it different and to hold on to the ego of not admitting our shortcomings not only will be a barrier for us to succeed but also will be the cause of frustrations in the people around us, interested on how we've improved ourselves.
I've always wanted to be a good friend. It's heartbreaking that you wouldn't want the same for me.

Talk is cheap

2011-10-01T19:45:00.001+01:00

I find that if you taunt about something long enough, regarding who you say you are, opportunities will start to present itself to test you on your words. At which point only you will be able to know whether you are staying true to yourself or simply enjoy the idea of you. Are we really who we say we are? Noone an decide that for us except for ourselves.
So whether you're cheating on your diet, exercise or having to make those decisions that will turn your life around, it is simply an answer you give to yourself. A reassurance that you have not lost touch of your aspirations or is running away from facing your fears.
Perhaps it is not that we haven't found ourselves but simply choosing to turn the other way hoping to be accepted and accommodated. The bad news is noone will let you overstay your welcome.

Let's Start

2011-09-29T02:16:00.001+01:00

Now more than ever is a great time to start on the paused dreams that I have always wanted to do. And one of those had always been that book that need to be written. It starts today. LOL. But seriously.

Betting

2011-09-26T17:17:00.001+01:00

Like everything else in this world, there are shareholders that believes in you and are willing to invest. Seek to provide value to them so that the happiness may be shared together.
You would want to give your trust to the one that wants to bet on you. Don't bother about those who are not willing to. In the end, those who did not invest are not apart of the shareholders. All they want to do is to prove themselves right. Everyone's pretty selfish. And there's nothing wrong with that. Who do you want to invest in? That's the one you're willing to bet on. Those are the ones who are hoping to share your happiness and wants the best for you. :)

How I Met Your Mother

2011-09-26T17:08:00.001+01:00

It is not to say that I have not met your mother, I have. She would like me if she does. But all that have been replaced by time with which wisdom is misplaced to represent an over bearing emphasis on logic. We theorise many of our past encounters to help us understand better and improve ourselves. And through that process we become scared of our overconsciouness of our wise interpretions. Emotions are too big of a risk to be trusted. But sometimes we forget that the measure of the risks we take represents the boldness of our achievements.

Fear

2011-09-26T16:52:00.001+01:00

Fear is a product of failure in the sense that certainties were not obtained in your previous attempts. Fear is a mere act that hinders you from not wanting to face the same regrets. Yet you have to move on knowing that those fears are merely part of the common things that takes place in everyone else's lives. Facing those fears will take away those chains that ties you to the past. Only by facing your fears can you grow.

Future

2011-09-26T16:46:00.001+01:00

We have plenty ahead of us. We've been bold yet the settling feeling comes from not having to conform to the conventional thinking. Being able to allow oneself to connect everything that have been obtained through a lifetime of reading is freeing. To be able to use your strengths and realising what made you different. To be accepted as a part of a bigger forum is great but to be rejected into a right of path for the higher ranks brings more meaning to you as you find your future self. Who do you see yourself becoming? He's waiting for you.

The enchanted forest

2011-09-25T23:08:00.001+01:00

In life, some choices are meant to take you on a different route. A path that will keep you from losing who you are. And upon embarking on a new journey of self discovery, you will realise that you haven't changed much at all. But the roads that you take in life simply sheds a different light that brings out the many shadows of those around you. Keep going.

Hoping

2011-09-25T23:01:00.001+01:00

And all that still stands between me and the crowded sea of people is the ability to write what i feel and remain true in accurately obtaining words to capture the true emotions that i need to read of myself; to understand and remind.
The only thing that has kept me afloat has always been in knowing exactly how I feel, without any doubt of indecisiveness.

...

2011-09-25T22:50:00.001+01:00

I have been waiting for everything. The train never stops. Chase it, and take a leap of faith.

...

2011-09-25T22:43:00.001+01:00

And the feeling of racing against someone you're waiting for. That was the expressed subconscious, the answer to my search, the hope that still lingers.

Bad dream

2011-09-14T19:02:00.001+01:00

I just had a bad dream. Mungkin kerana tak basuh kaki. Mungkin juga kerana kerja banyak lagi.
Lets talk about nightmares. Its those bad dreams you get with weird things happening in them. But I guess sometimes they're just dreams without those things or people you expect. The ones that went unpredictably wrong and those who are simply just being unreasonable.
Dreams could mean a lot of things to a lot of people. For me, it just means you.

Ps. You see what I've been telling you about how "you" is always the right answer?Well, there you go.

Read

2011-08-25T09:58:00.001+01:00

Every so often I'll feel awesome and share you a piece of me since you care so much. My recent reading list includes The Game, you know that bestseller about pickup artists. Well, I wouldn't share my new found secret but I will offer you some inspirational insight on things.
You know what pisses me off? The fact that I have come to the realization that these men are worryin about picking up woman all night, every night. There's a real science behind everything they do. Moves calculated, mistakes analysed. Now what's frustrating is to go from that and hearing abt ppl talk abt trying to score with one chick, to marry for the rest of their lives. One! One! Like dude, people do dat in 5minutes so get yo game right.

Ps. The reading list also includes "87 kisah2 sahabat" which I bought in Rasta te other night so that I'll be in yer mom's list. ;) game bro, game. Sort it!

The Ramadan

2011-08-07T17:44:00.000+01:00

Ramadan is nearing its half mark. Have you made full use of it? Its been a while since i got all preachy. Nowadays im just peachy. Staring at that sexy thang in the mirror. Owhkay, focus. So many things that goes on in this head.
Yet wht the hell is a thought? Electrical synapses in the differentiated cell area of clumped up neurons and some blood flowing here and there? What the hell is a thought anyways?
There must be a God which have created this useless perfect biological system we call our body that works perfectly in sync with each other and yet we think we come from apes and therefore there is no God. Screw that. Evolution or not, hw the heck does everything work down to the little details where the blood gets oxygen to those damn weird azz cells in ur body! Ponder my friend, ponder.
And so, in the spirit of Ramadan, which is a festive season for us muslims, we take this opportunity to ask what we want from Him. You know like asking stuff from santa but God totally exist but still there is that list of naughty/nice little boys and girls.
Have you been naughty? Sokay, nothings ever too late. God is forgiving, just be sincere, say sorry and dont piss Him off.
The beauty of Islam is its never about what anyone thinks of you. Its always about what God knows... And what God knows is what you know about yourself. Only you know whether you're being sincere or not, or those dark secrets that u keep in ur closet. You got nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. So you decide whether you've been naughty or nice. You know you, and you can help you. God's there to give you a chance and a hope to hold on to. To know that nothing is done in vain, and you will be rewarded for your sincere dedication and efforts, not based on the perceptions of the judging eyes of others. You will get what you deserve so don't lose hope

Super

2011-08-07T13:08:00.001+01:00

Have you seen this movie called Super (2010)? Dark humour. Pretty funny... Seriously.

Self-reminder

2011-08-06T19:52:00.001+01:00

People can kill you despite the fact that you have the confidence to actually beat them to the ground. Take precaution. Manage anger.

Tryin

2011-08-06T02:19:00.001+01:00

In that shaggy state again where you just look like you're tryinna grow a beard.
And I'm starting to think that my body has reached an equilibrium with how it manages its fat storage. Need to start running again cos this is not moving.
On a brighter side of things, after years of writing random thoughts down, you realise that the world has little words to express and people are actually unclear about how they feel. I think words clarify your emotional state and help you be decisive about how something actually makes you feel. A decisive heart is one which is sure of the risks to take.

Blurrrgh

2011-08-05T18:31:00.001+01:00

Ramadhan couldnt have come at a better time when all I got is my Lord right now. Pray.

Autotuned

2011-08-05T18:27:00.000+01:00

If you're wondering how my life's been written, it is through a string of hip hop progression from the late 80s until the current scene. The moment that is being captured right now boils down to one particular Tine Tempah hit, written in the stars. I'm glad I went to that gig in Manchester, where Tinie was performing. He wasnt as big. Damn that was good. Great things just starting to fall together.

Drown.

2011-08-03T22:33:00.001+01:00

Sometimes you have to drown to realise that you were in shallow waters and all you ever wanted was to go a little deeper than the rest of them.

No thanks.

2011-08-03T07:05:00.001+01:00

Given the circumstances, I find myself critically unforgiving when it comes to the formation of thought processes. Perhaps everyone has a right to their opinions but it is unamusing to sample a bluntly arrogant one. In your attempts at delivering your thoughts, please ensure that it is in good taste, and wrapped up in a shiny package.

Fasting...

2011-08-02T22:45:00.001+01:00

You know, there's this NHS Good Choices guide to fasting which you can Google. I don't do fancy links cos I blog from my phone now. Yea, dats why I'm saying all this random things at random times.
Or I'll just sum it up for you and you can tell your friends you read it somewhere. Cos thats what you people are good at.

So,
- take slow digesting carbs like dates. But we know those are hard to come by for you (uhugly..) so you best stick to other alternatives like cereals (esp. Oats!), pita bread, tortilla, that sorta thing.
- get that rehydrating freshness from fruit juices.
- keep energies high by rehydrating ur cells with h2O the night before
- you cld replace those lostsalts with isotonik drinks

But I think as muslims, by the time you reach teenagehood, just stop whining about stuff thats been happening annually. Grow up already. Sheesh. Its not even that hard. But then again, its probably cos they like me and I happen to run these damn bf replacement schemes that I don't know about.
Selamat berpuasa!

Going Dutch...

2011-08-02T22:32:00.001+01:00

The more you know, the less you should share. I have found it rather annoying that in social situations, human beings find the need to impress me with their achievements of mundane life activities. I have read this in a book about Warren Buffet's style of investing... Do not mistake activity with achievement. That's why I sleep all day and still look this goood.
Anyways, dats probably just me cos I have that tendency to imply I'm somewhat of a pseudoboyfriend figure that listens to people. Or maybe they just like me. But one question remains unanswered, if you like me, why the hell do I always end up pickin up the bills?

Censored

2011-08-02T22:24:00.001+01:00

This Ramadhan I shall impose a self censorship on myself as I have come to the realisation that words may hurt. And who the hell am I to be judging anyone right? Except that last time I checked, anyone with an active blog have the right to express said opinion (ie. be an ass) because culturally, that's what blogs are. No one really wants to know about my journey to self discovery. But people might be more interested to find out wots wrong with them so that they can improve themselves. (No, I keed. Noone wants to improve themselves. You're all the same bunch of people who's too good for any old advice..)
I told you I never make any point in this blog. What? I neva told you that? Well, "you" must be referring to some other hotter girl I've met then. Yea, I went out with her. Doesn't mean she likes me though. Seriously, all this talk about this and that... At the end of the day mate, your options are only limited to the people who likes you. You know, like yer mom.

Get in shape

2011-07-31T07:12:00.001+01:00

Okay, here are some things that I might not achieve this Ramadhan because of your envy and unsupportiveness... But yea, its that time of the year where we all try to get into a little bit of shape and end up saying... Just tonight... Everynight! You know, like if you're married but Jessica Alba's your seductive secretary. But I guess she's expired. Apparently Megan Fox's out the window too. Minka Kelly is apparently the it girl now. But i get it. I applaud her 5second performance in 500 days of summer. Dats mainly cos I met a Summer and she screwed me over.
Now that I've established my erratic thought process which boderlines lunacy, where were we? Yeah...
So I basically just wanna say low-carb diet. Stick to it. And late night work outs. Yea, dats it. Now stop Googling Minka. But seriously, screw Summer. She's a dumb ------.

Ramadhan's back

2011-07-31T06:58:00.001+01:00

Wake me up before you go go. Don't you leave me hanging like a yo yo.

That means wake me up for sahur and help me in my beliefs. I of all people should get that whole religious moodswings that I have. You're probably a bunch of angels but hey, I happen to be human.
A little restrainment is a welcomed break to what I sometimes go through as a feel good streak. You know, when you're on a roll, on top of the world, and you know you're gettin annoyin and you just need a slap. Yea, dat.
I happen to be on that particular roll right now so I do need a slap. Spank me if you can. Ahaha. See.

So anyways, the fasting months back and this should provide abundant quite times for me to reflect and get my work done. Write more stuff you know. Talk to myself. Plan the future... You know like that white wedding we always wanted. And a pony! Dammit alvins gay. Random. Yea well u see... I need to self reflect. Screw me.

So one thing i'm gonna do is have that wishlist for Ramadhan. And Allah is waaay more awesome than Santa suckas. So just ask for them prayers and you'll get the best of whats fated for ya. Pray for others. Love thy brothers. Improve. At the end of the day, you're all a bunch o sinners so it can only get better. InsyaAllah.

Ramadhan eMail from LivIsoc

2011-07-30T17:31:00.001+01:00

University of Liverpool Islamic Society

As Salaamu Alaiykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu,

The month of Ramadan is nearly upon us Alhamdulillah. This is one of the sacred months of the Islamic calendar, a month of the Quran.

When Ramadan enters the gates of Paradise are opened and the gates of the Fire are closed.

'O you who believe, fasting has been prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, so you may attain Taqwa (God consciousness)' Surah al Baqarah, 2:183

Sha’bi narrated that ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “Fasting is not just refraining from food and drink, but refraining from lying, falsehood, backbiting and swearing (by Allah).”

We should try to increase our knowledge of the explanation of the Qur’ân (tafsîr), the narrations of the Messenger, biography (sîrah), and the principles of our religion – to seek such sacred knowledge is one of the highest forms of worship.

Try to make sure you perform all of the tarâwîh prayers in congregation for the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “Whoever prays with the Imam until he leaves, it is written for him that he prayed the entire night.”

Strive to spend the last ten special nights of Ramadhân standing in prayer. There is one particular night amongst those ten, Laylat al-Qadr, which is greater than a thousand months of worship.

Al-Sayyida `A’isha asked the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) what she should ask for if she knew that it was Laylat al-Qadr. He replied:

اللهم انك عفو تحب العفو فاعفو عنا

Allahumma innaka `afuwun tuhibbu-l’`afwa f`afu `anna

“O Allah, truly You are all-Pardoning, You love to pardon so pardon us.”

He also said (may Allah bless him and grant him peace): “Do four things in abundance: two things with which you please your Lord, and two things which you cannot do without. As for the two things with which you please your Lord: your testifying that there is nothing worthy of worship other than Allah and your seeking His forgiveness. As for the two things which you cannot do without: your asking of Allah for Paradise and seeking refuge in Him from the Fire.”

O Allah, give us the ability and strength to make this Ramadhân our Ramadhân, a time for change and maturity, a time for quality and success, Amîn.

Please remember everyone in your Duas Insha'Allah.

Peace,
LivISoc
~Inspiring Our Generation~
www . livisoc . org

A letter to my body fat

2011-07-30T12:19:00.001+01:00

Dear body fat,
Since the decline of my metabolic rate in these years, i see you hanging around a lot. You know like ur friend who overstays his welcome. Yea. Me moms pissed to be honest so you gotta leave. And another thing is, you've been salting my game man. That's not cool. You're like that friend who joins in the conversation when you're tryinna hit on a girl. Or that guy who sends your girl birthday wishes on facebook cos its suppose to be neutral. Dat aint cool dog. So right now man, im lifting some weights to bust yo azz so u best be packing. Not to mention man, you makin me sick. My insulins not kickin in like it used to man. You're acting like a fat dude on a double bike, all pretending to be cycling. I gotta carry you around and dats not cool man. You gotta go man. I know u keep me all warm and reassured when times are cold, but you're like that chick friend you hv who wont get wit u but be cockblokin you all tha time. Its toxic yo. And i dont mean to hurt your feelings or anything, but i got bigger things to worry abt right now and i dont think this relationships working out.
Peace out yo.

Beware

2011-07-30T08:17:00.001+01:00

Just remember that anything posted on the net whether it be a news article, blog, tweet, or a status update is subject to law.
So think before you post anything up. Express yourself, by all means please do. Just remember that you're probably not as smart as you think you are and at some point, you're probably wrong.

Just Try It!

2011-07-29T13:34:00.001+01:00

I have this obsession of trying too hard. People say I always go a step further than what shouldve been. Draw the line they say. Its funny how these kids haven't even reached to a point where they actually see the line.
I've actually drawn the line, slightly slanted, across ur face.
I'm quitting cursing. I am finding myself less expressive and agitated. I have rage issues. Help me muthaf, i mean mother.

iPhone 5

2011-07-29T13:23:00.001+01:00

The iPhone Five is a gesture whereby iPhone users tap their phones together to celebrate something joyful.

*punchline drums*

Expired.

2011-07-29T11:21:00.001+01:00

My fun body has expired. Don't get me wrong, I can still use it but it automatically makes me feel pointless and stupid. That is when you realised you have done all the stupid things that you can and its time to move on to bigger mistakes. Bigger, bolder crashes! Yeaaa!
Gotta live it up man. Play times over. It's war.

Fun fun fun...

2011-07-29T01:33:00.001+01:00

Friday is the boss of all days. The mosques are packed, you own traffic, and lunch by the roadside is abundant.
The afternoon nap during the sermon is sorted with the aircond at full blast and the tone of the imam is weirdly sung in a lullaby.
Does anyone notice how after the prayers you get all energised again? Well, must be the failed presentation. Seriously, get people excited. God hates those who's out to bore people with the message. Religion should be cool. We're muslims after all... You know, bombs, knives, and secret missions... I keed, I keed.

But seriously, my uncle's wedding is going down next week. 0800hrs.

How is religion fun? Well for one, you can start using religious concept to get that inner peace of mind. People are so stressed out nowadays. Its cos we're selfish bastards. I'm telling you man, mellow out a little and stop staring at yourself in the mirror to much and always going wots in it for me? You do that. Shut up...

Well anyways, this is a morning warm up. Blogs are like fat people with cats - they need you to talk to them so they won't die inside. Yea, dats fairly accurate. Now conserve some o dat energy to stay awake this afternoon.

Super duper..

2011-07-28T12:38:00.001+01:00

Have you been reading me for a while now? Yea, remember all those times where I tell you I'm Superman and nobody believed me. Well, I think I figured it out. Superheroes don't keep their identities a secret. Like any superawesome human being would, they'd tell everyoneeee!
But you know how that works out, theres no way that anyone would believe you unless they'd get a cut. Like when you start telling em, baby, i might be superman, but you're my kryptonite. So you find the whole world saying... Superman? Nope, secret identity. Noone knows who he is. When you're awesome, everyone's gonna give you a hard time.
So really, if you have super powers like me, just say... Baby you're my kryptonite. That's why that btch Lois is always making it about her.

Question: why don't superman stay as superman and hv to be Clark most the time? Cos try flying at superspeed wearing those damn disposable contacts... It'll dry up like a bitch. Then superman cant put on no glasses cos then it'll be obvious that he's clark and so he has to get out o his undies and put on a suit. Dats what the world does to super people like us. They force us to be normal when we're super enough to let everythin hang loose.

Malaysia vs Singapore

2011-07-28T12:17:00.001+01:00

Tonight Msia is playing Singapore. Msia's been getting a lot o support lately cos we've been playing okay and everybody likes a winner. Saw a guy who tweeted that no matter what happens, we will support you Malaysia. Yea, i believe him. Unless we start losing of course. Glory hunters... Please. U won't change. The only reason why Msians keep on betting on MU. But its all good. We're statistically efficient. That way, our team always wins. Screw that, most of us suddenly found ourselves liking football. Cos really, the only ppl who actually like the game are ppl who's trying to not be single. Fact. Now go harimau Malaya! OMG, at 25, I flippin looooove football too! LOL

Hear me out man...

2011-07-27T16:11:00.001+01:00

People who are on the fence are stupid. They simply refuse to take a stand in an attempt to feel accepted yet most of the extremes on both sides probably hates their guts.
The extremes have a problem in that they too are stupid. They pick a side and then argue endlessly based on 2-3 articles they've read on the net. It is insensitive and it decays the intellect of your children.
What you need to be is a thinker with balls. Have a reason for your standing but be sure to consider the other people as well. We all live seperate lives and we have our priorities. Its okay that they are different and therefore results into different choices.
Just think before you say something, cos honestly, if you're not George Clooney, most people would rather not be you. You smell, you're fat, and you're lonely. Miserable too. So don't force 'em to go through it too okay. Thanks.

Honestly...

2011-07-27T16:01:00.001+01:00

Lying takes a lot of effort. Most people might not realise this, but its easier to tell the truth than to lie. Some people wld assume that they're important enough to be lied to. Are these assumptions merely derived from the pursuit of selfpleasure or on the basis of a delusional command of some respect? I'll let you sort that out for yourself.

Y U Make Sht Up?

2011-07-27T15:53:00.001+01:00

Out of the need for survival, human beings tend to try to impose an idea of how authorative their arguments are. Often times it is merely a question of who the heck do they think they are. Don't let these people fool you. You people can't possibly know everything.
So the next time someone tells you something, just politely ask, "bullshit?"

Theorize this!

2011-07-27T15:32:00.000+01:00

Theoretical ideation sparks from having a clear conceptual backbone to your thinking. Judgements and conclusions are then derived from those principles you set for yourself. Surely experience offers an insight to the establishment of a concrete belief but actions isn't just based on some arrogant assumptions of your gut feelings. What theories have you derived from your everyday life?

Resurrection

2011-07-26T22:15:00.001+01:00

Firstly I will apologise for the brief absence to which my writings belong to in the hearts of my limited reader. It has become a crucial time to start writing again, now more than ever as my viewer drops from 8 to 2. Not including myself of course.
There was certainly a period where I was exploring the channels to which my thoughs could be expressed in effective mannerisms and I have certainly found those channels. But of course I came to miss the construction of vaguely formed statements that encapsules my dark thoughts and offers light reading to your boring life. I had to say boring life to hold on to the decaying provocation that I was.
In truth, I miss me, and I'm gonna start talking to myself again. You are granted a front row seat to watch and listen. Don't be touching yourself.
Thank you.

Decision making

2011-07-26T22:04:00.001+01:00

At a time where the whole world would agree with me, there was certainly significant moments where i would doubt myself. And in these times where self doubt is of absence and everything becomes undoubtedly concrete, the world is doubting the choices we make.
The world's a misguided place and delusion sets in the darkness of fear.
I'm back.

overshare

2011-05-06T19:15:00.000+01:00

Here's a tip from the man who brought you nothing but joy in these last few years! ME!

Information sharing VS information flaunting.

When you're saying stuff, just make sure your main concern is to share information that might be beneficial or useful to others. Often I have found that the genuine love that one has for another will reflect through a positive response from the other party. That my friend is information sharing.

Whether you've just read something interesting on the web or simply wishes to bitch about your friends, information sharing is key to any successful connection.

Now, the devil flaunts information. And in this information age, it is easy to get caught up in the ego boost of flaunting information. But any student of mine will know that the correct answer to everything is "you". So, it is always about that other person, its never about you. Regardless of how much you know nobody cares, unless it feeds to their own selfish agendas.

SO you don't want to flaunt information. If you find yourself saying crap just to feel smart, just stop and think, am I being lame and oversharing cos I'm making this about me?

Yea, there you go.... Now go and be a nice child to mother Earth.

royal wedding week.

2011-04-25T16:03:00.000+01:00

hey wots up reader. i need to be writing again in here. cos if i dont, i dont write. i hate tweets. its killing ones ability to fully freely express oneself in a way that one should in blog literature.
it is pointless to be writing in a state of emotionless rage, so we'll just keep this one short and simple as a reminder that i am still alive and yea, i'm back! like the million times i say that everytime i just disappear off.
well, yeap, gonna make it a point no matter how pointless this may seem.

promises of the new posts include:
-avoiding factual information because men are usually stupidly providing useless information that is only occasionally interesting while neglecting the fact that people might not be interested to simply satisfy one's ego of actually feeling that we know something.
-i figured information sharing VS information flaunting is two different things.
-more crap about how i feel about the world, the paradigm shfts that blows your mind
-selfreminder that i need to stay indoors for longer times cos i miss doing these antisocial self indulgences
-written goal settings and private log. seriously, my brain dont really remember these useless things and i want to rememebr them... like my readers comments for instance.
-blog readers do read blogs as their main source of entertainment and it would be unfair to deprive them of the joy of me. haha.
-plus, there is this new found social pressure of having to write in malay and sometimes i'd rather just write in english cos i dont have to make sense and i can build up speed as i talk.

i love you.
seriously.

Blogger off

2011-04-12T17:34:00.000+01:00

The business is building itself brick by brick. I'm laying some foundation to what i feel would be a best bet for me. It concerns noone yet it is fairly interesting to see many have shown interest as to how it seems to affect their universe. Perhaps i am breathing their oxygen. Im sorry.

I most certainly am underestimating others overestimation in the comforts of my own life. Cant expect much though because at the end of the day, theres so many few who really cares and would actually do something about it. Talk is cheap and it certainly isnt profitable.

I guess the only best bet is to keep running uphill and hope the mountain wont crumble and the exhaustion does not get to me. I am only replicating the lives i wish to live, and it is an adventure.

This is my big fish story. Im learning how to swim.

February.

2011-02-27T18:35:00.000Z

It has been a while since i've written on this humble page and i'd say it has been an interesting journey so far. perhaps much energy has been channeled into living my life rather than accounting for what has been done. almost 5years of running this and a lot has happened through the posts that ws made.

everyday is a new beginning an it seems that i am constantly getting excited over the things that i get to do and thats a pretty good indication to where i want my life to take me.

not writing makes for rusty wordplay. i should make this a habit if it isnt too much. in between the reading and the working and the having fun sessions.

this clearly is a mans blog where general statements are made to refer to vague experiences that could be of anything in nature. Well, some of it is a bit personal and simply act as a memory jog. I'd get it when i read it back although you might not.

Noone actually reads it anymore anyways and i have found other sources which is more effective in conveying my subliminal messages.

these days i've been bothered with my irrational actions in the spontaneity of moments. Follow ur heart they say. Seriously? I think its screwin me over.

Oh well...

Wot up blog

2011-02-22T12:44:00.000Z

This aint right. This aint right man.

Sorry for not updating. Will be bck when im filled with rage. Im so tired of trying....
Hopefully, like all other things thats happened, this doesnt break me.

Vday

2011-02-11T23:10:00.000Z

I feel compelled to write that Vday might have began with a negative connotation, but to go out of our way to tell kids some history they never even know abt is rather counter productive. Why attack something that ppl like and create hostility? Instead, instill good values so they can decide for themselves.

To tell our kids abt the dark side of history is just going to confuse them when through the passing time, Vday has occupied a pleasing place in their hearts. To tell em that it is a BAD BAD day isn't going to bring them closer to Islam, but push them further away. Think about our approaches to these issues!

And what's this bullshit abt you should show love everyday and not just on Vday? If we want to religiously approach the issue, we should know that the issue isn't about celebrating Vday, but rather the social misconducts that come with it. So to make such a statement is like saying You should stay chaste for the day, and bang her all year long!

Well, that's not right is it?

I'm not being a jerk or anything but i've always believed that if you want to make a change, act accordingly.

Preaching isnt about saying smethng so you'd feel good abt yourself. It is about making sure that you strategize carefully so that you'd achieve your intended goal.

This backward thinking of performing your religious responsibility just through reminders has got to stop. You say smething and figured its not your problem anymore... That's not how it works! If its not fixed, improve your strategy and try and try and try again.

Its been every year that people are quoting the same shit... What have you actually changed? NOTHING!!!

To my non-muslim friends, take this as an enlightenment because there is so many narrow views about Islam out there and I want to correct this.

The correct practice of Islam will lead one to be more open-minded and flexible rather than judgmental. The goal is to reach out for change. Reach out for change lah!!!

an islamic perspective

2010-12-27T06:43:00.000Z

jihad is a foreign concept to most non-muslims. most people do not understand why you would die in a name of a cause. i think this is the best way i would explain it...

taking "jihad" in the western interpretation is of course an extreme example but the essence of dying for your faith is true for every muslim. it doesn't mean that most muslims hold the extreme views that violence is the key to solving the world's problems, i'm just saying that to die in the name of islam is what every muslim strives for. that is why when taken to the extreme, we have irrational terrorists groups acting out in means that somehow justify that concept.

you see...

most other religious practices strives to improve your life.
islam stresses on the concept of improving your death.

...and to be the best when dying, to have the most credentials, is to contribute as much as you can in ways which you think pleases your Lord.

=====

and your Lord rewards you on your efforts, never the outcome.

Unlike how you are constantly being measured by your output by society, and being rewarded based on that, Islam rewards on the efforts you put in, the outcome is up to the Lord.

=====

You don't want a peaceful death. You'd want to be spent, used up, in your efforts to contribute because that is a better, justified death.

What your mama didn't tell you...

2010-12-24T23:31:00.001Z

1. You're an idiot.
2. You were produced as a result of a sexual intercourse. (Seriously, what idiot kids read my blog? The evil dumbass grown up flanders don't even read, you'd think they'd read as kids? lol.)
3. Given that you're not totally a useless, heartless moron, she probably wants you to be filthy rich.
4. She thinks you can do better with that bf of urs.
5. Your sister's prettier than you, and she probably likes her more. (haha. ok, evil.)
6. She's chained to the kitchen.
7. She prefers your gf pretty naughty than ugly nice.
8. Your gf's ugly nice.
9. She hates it that her baby's all grown up is sometimes an ungrateful little prick who doesn't realise that they were once really small babies that she had to take care of day and night.
10. If you're doing well in school, its reassuring, but you probably isn't one of the cool kids and not realise it.
11. You're adopted. (wouldn't that be an awesome joke to play on ur kids? they're like 15 and you go, there's something we gotta tell you... haha... he'll cry like a little btch for a while wont he? PWND!! LOL)

Dying for Love

2010-12-24T22:49:00.001Z

woddup people. you know something i picked up from some book or magazine or something like that, well it just says that people who has a joint online account with their bf or gf should totally ~~die.~~ live happily ever after... after they break up and die! you guys are in love... i get it. now get off the damn computer and go on a romantic cruise by the ~~bitch~~ beach.

hahaha. im just kidding. but a blog entitled (name)loves(othername)dotblogspotdotcom is just frustratingly vulgar. like they say man, the internet killed romance. i think people are so desperate to want to fall in love to a point that they actually forget to kind of genuinely fall in love. you know, the kind that does not include me (and my other 700+ on my friends list) in that relationship.

why do we crave on the approval of others in all personal matters? have we been brought up in an era where someone has to cyber 'like' us to offer ourselves some peace of mind? have we become so obsessed with social networking that we're competitively competing in the portrayal of a perception of a pretentious life? LOLwut? Probably. It's like last time when the mak cik sebelah rumah renovates her house when you do, and gets a new car when you do, and gets a new kid when you do.... you know, lets call this 'the evil flanders' syndrome. (Flanders after Homer's Christian neighbour... if u don't know who Homer is, ur a dumbass now stop interrupting me!)

i guess the evil flanders within you is just begging to compete with every single thing that happens in your neighbours life. And as the world changes, we suddenly have access to their very intimate information. Fortunately for us, Zuckerberg (TIME Man of the Year 2010) came up with the relationship status bit on Facebook so we'd know who our friends are dating... its all in that book the Accidental Billionaire, go read it.

uh, wots dat? there's a movie on it call the Social Network? you went and watched it with ur bf? owh, yeah how did i know that? cos you need to cyber shut the **** up ya dumbass.

*Jim Carey's evil laugh*

Owh man, now look what you made me do. I Googled 'Romantic Evening For Two' for you. Dats like I'm doing some shit for free so you better recognise how much I looooove you. Now go get your woman out the kitchen and treat her to a nice romantic getaway instead of just get crackin on ur html flying hearts skills.

Now where was I? Ok, so you suddenly see all these people in love with each other and you thought, damn, i'm MORE IN LOVE THAN YOU!!! so you competelah like a 14year old idiot. the scary thing is some of these people are married. grow up guys, go feed ur kids.... literally.

NB: All 14year olds are idiots regardless of how smart you think you are (plenty to learn lah!). If you're a genius 14year old, not only are you an idiot, you're an ass for thinkin ur smart. I'm just saying....

The Undercover Saint

2010-12-20T19:30:00.000Z

Here's to sharing perspective. Things i've heard as the walls speak of things thats been happening around the city. It is an issue of aurat.

Often times we focus on aurat as a physical requirement. Cover yourself physically, decently. Yes, this is true. We also know that there are components of aurat which is not physical. Like how we behave decently, not be promiscuous, etc2.

Where we go wrong is when we categorise the two and break it down into a convinient double standard. Aurat is aurat. It is all or nothing.

To be covered physically and be indicent in actions could possibly be worse than decently behaving in a more revealing outfit. In fact, the aurat in your bahaviours is far more crucial than the physical requirements. You ought to cover that first.

I guess i'd have some expectations when people are physically dressed as muslims; they kinda have to not make us look bad. So, in case ur feeling a little naughty, just dress down for the occasion. Don't insult my faith.

ignorance

2010-12-04T16:21:00.000Z

often times ignorance is implied to those who refuses to seek understanding. i say more ignorance are in those who refuses to participate when knowledgeable. more ignorance are in those who chooses ineffective means to educate. ignorance are in we who do not share enlightening perspectives.

ignorance are in deciding who is ignorant.

new layout.

2010-12-04T16:05:00.000Z

i've decided to clean this blog up because i have had feedback saying my posts become too wordy when written in 'white on black'. people can't focus too long reading 'white on black'.
and so with the fear of contributing towards a shorter attention span of the human race, which is already very brief to begin with, i have opted for this new look.

hopefully more chicks will dig me after. wink.

definitions

2010-12-04T16:00:00.002Z

efficiency - doing things right
effectiveness - doing the right things

you need both.

muslims right to privacy

2010-12-04T15:50:00.000Z

hello dear readers, mr. d's back!

to those of you who comes back here every once in a while, i admire your perseverance in silently reading my non-biodegradable blog. they say ideas live forever. ;)

anyways, its time for me to rip off people who isn't me again. as you all are all aware of, my emotionally unstable mind just wanders off into things as i go on with me life. and today i invite you to ponder at the issue of privacy.

in particular, it is in regards to the issue of taking a girl back to your place for a little some some. its wrong! well, if you're a muslim that is. totally mate.

but i just wonder at which point do we start to think that the idea of going around and busting down doors help in uplifting the muslim community out of this social problem (in regards to me lovely country, of course). we gather a bunch of people to come together and watch live action porn, and forcefully intrude into other peoples lives. hear me out, i have a point, surely.

i think people are obsessed with making other people look bad, which is totally unislamic and counter productive. plus, nope, we don't got the right to do that.

our job is to educate and create awareness. propagate the steps to prevention towards the misconducts. the outcome, is a reward from Him based on our sincere efforts. Do the right things, and it'll work out for the best.

niat tidak menghalalkan cara. so they say. intrusion of privacy is wrong.

at the end of the day, stick to the principles. cos if we aint got none, there's always loop holes that everyone can work around (read, sleep with the same sex).

educate to propagate change. ignorance starts with the wise refusing to teach.

The beard

2010-11-18T16:22:00.001Z

Lemme explain to u the beard. I have lived among different societies in which a beard has made a difference in many ways both good and bad. The usual decisive point in which my face would decidedly meet up with a razor blade is the enquiry into my eligibility to a student discount. This sucks when you have to convince people you are not as old as you look and suspiciously pull out your "student card" with your pretty shaven face on it. Another is during those struggle days of not really having a beard but just hairs sticking out of your face, looking like a bum.

But i assure you, once u get to a decent length and is able to create that crucial "neck line" (google how to keep a beard), it sure has its perks. One of which is to be looking older than you look. People have that tendency to treat you as a wiser person than you are. It is those unspoken gesture that assures this. Its great. You'd get that family man treatment i tell ya.

As for the ladies, you just know they'd be secretly wishin for their popcorn boyfriends to be able to grow a Spartan look like this. Hellz yes brother.

The crazy thing about a beard is also that it gives you that feeling of having to live up to it. To please it and to earn it. It speaks to you when you're sleeping and it demands that respect. Fear the beard.

"if your dad doesn't have a beard, you've gots two moms" - The Beards.

For the not so great facial dermatology, the beard really helps in every way from becoming a natural concealer to maintaining order within the kingdom of pores. Preventing external infiltration as well as channelling internal discharges from stickin around too long. Less irritation from all that shaving too.

Plus, caveman are way awesome than the millennium man. Haha.

If you're out and about in the middle of the metropolitan, you'd fear less about people mugging u or try to take stuff from you cos u just know its a way smarter decision to take something from a beardless man. Seriously, would u want to confront a bearded man, and piss him off. Probably not.

I aint sure when im losing this but i feel all warm and cosy now. Maybe when it pisses me off i'll cut it. Or for some chick i like...

Filler post. Duh.

Let go

2010-11-16T11:29:00.000Z

Dear official best friend,

I am here to tell you that I have come to understand the true meaning of empathy. And it is fair to say that to truly be empathetic is to allow people to have that break whenever they need to feel good about themselves. We've all been there, just chill and give people a break. Right or wrong, stupid or dumb, it don't matter, learn to let go.

Nobody likes a know it all. So just pretend ur not one even if you are.

Dream big.

2010-11-05T22:59:00.001Z

My whole life I was taught to have dreams, ambitions. I would read it in books, magazines, taught in classes of what it is to have goals in life. To have focus and to want to attain the very best.

Dreams, as they say, should be big. Bigger than big. Larger than life.

I always thought I understood what they meant before. Until I started listening to the silent whispers of the dreams around me.

Begin with the goal in mind, they say. It's true. And as I look around, perhaps I share a different goal. Perhaps I have a different dream.

It is unfortunate that I've not found contentment in where I've seen many have. Those fairy tales I've been reading - maybe too much. I want that.

reminding me.

2010-11-05T22:43:00.000Z

In life, you need to be doing whatever you believe is great work. When you give self worth to yourself, and have that belief that whatever that you're doing matters, you will be good at it. And whatever you do, be a good one.

It doesn't matter if everyone disagrees with you, somebody think you're on the wrong side, or you are made to be the villian. Villian or hero, the only thing that matters is having to fight for what you truly believe in. In this is meaning to your life. In this you will want to live.

Some people become great presidents, some great terrorists. All known the world over. Both would have a full life. Living, breathing every single moment for a cause they deem worthy.

Was watching a South Park episode a few days back. Episode 200. The one about prophet Muhammad. At most part, being South Park, it was inappropriately offensive, especially to Muslims on that particular episode. But there was this one part which I liked. The part where Americans, who wishes to avoid important issues raised within the community, literally bury their heads in the sand. They dump some sand in the city, dug a hole, and bury their heads. :)

Hopefully I am breathing the foul, stinking, toxic air of reality. Not sipping some fresh ones, through a straw, with my head buried deep beneath the sand.

Eliminating Poverty: A Radical Concept

2010-10-31T21:47:00.002Z

Here's how you can eliminate poverty. Help spread this concept. Or if you have money, listen, because I am about to change the world.

The core of this concept stems out from a belief, to whatever you wish to associate it with, but its to a basic understanding that charity leads to a profitable return. You don't know how you'll get it back, but you know you will.

This is my personal belief, and many wealthy people have adopted it; you can choose to just listen for now.

Lets get things straight. By all means, be wealthy. Have plenty of money. Do not feel that there is any guilt in being rich. In fact you could do more if you are.
All that this is saying is you keep whatever you need, and give whatever you don't.

Whatever you need includes future plans that you have, your kids, businesses you're trying to grow. Anything you can think of. And after dats sorted, dat extra value that you have, give it away. (You'll get it back. I don't know how, but you will.)

Seek charitable causes, support a great cause, invest in young entreprenuers, help an orphanage, do whatever you can to keep the money flowing within the streams of the social structure. Do not hoard wealth.

To want to keep your money means you have got to always have a plan for it. Something clear and not in the clouds. Clear like 'to support my kids through college' and not something like 'just in case' or 'damn, I'm rich'.

This is to create a proactive social system where people are constantly looking for ways to spend off the money for a cause and not just blindly save.

And the funny part is, there will be returns. More than you'd ever expect.

Simply a belief I hold, and today sharing. Adopt it. Change the world.

ps. Dinie recommends:

It's the shiznit! Read all you can.

On the road

2010-10-29T13:31:00.000+01:00

Figuring out how to just simply be awesome. You've probably met a billion people, but awesome my friend, will be too obvious. I guess when they pen the words about the paths not taken, trudging your own streams, this is what they meant. I'm never just being poetic, this has been hard.

The World.

2010-10-26T04:47:00.001+01:00

Dear lover, I'd give you the world.

This I wonder. Does another Malay individual share that awkward feeling I feel inside when another Malay person is publicly referenced as one's lover on the internet? I wonder this as I was brought up Malay.
My brother was brought up American, and the other Chinese.

This I wonder. Is giving the world even enough? I wonder this as I was told that girls perhaps is unlikely to respond to this as I have selfishly pictured them responding to it in my mind. Naked, surely.

This I wonder. Am I an attractive candidate for when it comes down to an appointment? I wonder this as I've been winning the battles yet left with no spoils of war.

This I wonder.

Learning

2010-10-26T04:17:00.000+01:00

Here is a little something about me. An excerpt perhaps from the introductions of my unwritten memoirs for your enjoyment.

Born on January 28th, my parents thought of naming me Abdul Aziz just to destroy my playa status if ever I reach my young adulthood and to some extent after the royal professor and a great thinker, who is for your information *fun fact!* was born on the same date. But I guess my mother had an intuition that a baby that cute was unsuitable to carry the name thus naming me something else after finding out that Samad Said's daughter's name (who went to her school) was indeed actually unisexual after tossing it away as I came out a boy. Thus that was how I was named after a girl and now enjoy the perks of quick email replies from horny boys in some administrations.

The same history influenced how I was treated as the forth child growing up, taught to exercise my creative thinking skills and ponder on the issues in the newspaper. As a young child, I grew up overwhelmed and conflicted and I still am. Pondering on the actions of individuals and having to endure the burden of seeing the frail skeletons of people's ideologies I often times feel the need to constructively deconstruct and empathise with the reasons of why they are them.

And I enjoy this very much. Passionately.

Fast forward, 2010. Staring blankly and smirking at the Facebook on screen, theres plenty I need to learn from these people I thought. From and about them. But more importantly, them from me.

But as I've mentioned, I selfishly listen too much and just use this small voice of a blog to talk.

Read on

2010-10-23T22:49:00.000+01:00

A blog as it may be called by any other name remains quite factually a blog; whether it is filled with unfulfilled self indulgences (this one), financially lucrative advertisements by means of product reviews as you have sold your soul to the devil, or simply screaming for political equity. And like all other blogs, as readers, you will notice some form of style on the way things are laid out for your reading pleasure. This particular blog for instance, will begin with a misleading opening and carry you through a rather unanticipated tantrum of my ever unsettling genius. Genius? Yes. Why settle for less?

You see how I switch there? :)

And this genius (for continuity's sake) is only the result of too much listening. And like most other cliches that people do not do, listening takes a certain commitment and a level of compromise that really is a tricky thing to start doing, kinda like not smoking. So being listened to is like smoking. Its addictive and bad for your health. You might be eating right and ironically, not smoking but perfect health and fitness could also easily be taken away by a mere punch in the face.

Here's where I'm pitching my ideas.

You see blogs are means of self expression in which an outlet is created for the unloading of secrets and unshared thoughts. It clears the steam thats been building up in your head. This art has slowly been replaced with the less sophisticated tweeting and so you see plenty of men tweet the living @&£$$ out of their accounts due to this unspoken desires and fulfilling mankind's need to share.

I guess in todays dog eat dog world, everyone has got their own thang and no ones ever too free for you and this social network of steam cleansing has become a need that is most benefitting to us. Note your friends suicidal statuses on Facebook and the cries for affection. Note the obsessive profession of true love which can no longer be contained only between the two parties involved. Note the sharing of self portraits which in 2003 would be secretive shots of time fillers and now conventionally made public.

Yeap. Its great. It has served us a great purpose and so i prescribe this to those who needs the sharing. Start with 50mg of Facebook status, then a further 250mg of tweeting, and if you really need to, blog. Just dump it on there.

Because when you meet real people, you don't want to be the one talking too much and not know it. Because if you do it too long, you will not know it.
Make your life more efficient by just listening to that pretty girl.

Note that you are not that pretty girl.

But if you happen to be a pretty girl, you can pretty much do anything and get away with it. But that only applies to strangers. Cos if you screw ur friends, it doesn't matter. Fck u btch.

Urbanisation

2010-10-20T10:03:00.000+01:00

Sparks do fly when you fall in love and being in love does not demand the presence of a beautiful girl anymore, ideas these days could easily seem more provokingly tempting then the drama you expect from a woman. And today I fell in love with an idea (i still like women though, none of that geeky bs).

This time I am suggesting the urbanisation of thinking. Like all of my ideas, it starts out as a mere outrage to the bs i have to put up with. My train of thoughts is suggesting that in the pleasant interactions that we undergo daily with our fellow man, being rich or poor no longer creates that awkwardness that comes between us. In fact, however much money you have or don't have it doesn't seem to matter unless you lack experiences and is therefore enviously left wondering what the rest is experiencing.

This phenomena is much less noticed in most urbanised communities where people of various social statuses tend to have the same access to services thus the call for urbanisation for our thinking. It takes one out of the ego of wonderment and sees things as opportunities rather than a selfish reflection of their shortcomings. To be appreciative yet blaze or unphased to something you do not currently have, just enough so that you may be sincerely happy for another person.

This all comes with maturity. Take time to develop it consciously so that it may rid you of bad habits. Just always always keep in mind that another's gain is not to your loss.

met a girl

2010-10-14T19:37:00.000+01:00

One day a person asked me why I read. He was insecure about the unknown knowledge that I'm gaining I suppose. You'd be surprise at the smallest things people are envious about and with all the bomohs around, its a scary thought. I wanted to explain to him how he shouldve asked that question to his first grade teacher back when he had less pubic hair but in the end just smiled and said 'i like to look at the pictures'.

Reading ultimately is currently the most efficient way to transfer large amounts of information from reality into your head - and by your head i mean brain, and by information i mean useful pickup lines. You can gain knowledge from any form of interaction with reality but by reading a lot, it just makes it cheaper and faster thus more efficient. Imagination is the key to not have to do anything. Haha. And I am indeed cheaper than I make myself out to be.

The great thing about knowledge is when you spend a lot of time in its warm embraces, you end up with understanding. Real understanding on how things work and not just understanding cos you like to hear yourself talk and the thought of people glorifying you gets you off.

My point is, if you're still with me, is that understanding is the language that reality speaks. You have understanding, you'll read the world like a book.

Less scary? Nope. More scary cos you're now reading a bigger book with dragons and unicorns, AND you're weaved into the twisted plots as well. Here's where the girl comes in.

The problem is with Rapunzel now is she no longer have long lovely locks and waits in a tower because reality says you can't ride a horse. So for your convinience, she now lives in your neighbourhood with a dragon for a boyfriend.

And dats why people should read.

Born

2010-09-29T22:43:00.000+01:00

Everything is an opportunity to learn and to be at a state where one can justify one's every opinion should make you wonder whether one is in the midst of completeness or simply ignorance. I know that our lives is only a speck of dirt within the constantly evolving constellations. To choose to remain in that speck is rather limiting. Its scary to think what I'm conversing over cups of coffees and how much things don't matter. In life, as long as you do good, the outcome doesn't matter. That's the strength of beliefs. Knowing that, you can just do anything. Not stupid things like not avoiding risks, but you won't ever be too scared.

smile

2010-09-26T22:41:00.003+01:00

As I'm going around to look for myself, I am finding you. Sometimes it feels like you're stuck in an endless loop of reading between the lines until some things which you haven't even notice before starts to spell itself out to you.
i've got to stay free. self-assured and courageous.

Going on

2010-09-26T00:10:00.001+01:00

As I put a pause to everything, I could feel the Earth move again. The layers of perspective that I have lost, the appreciative decency of simply being.
Now to figure out how to do this forever.

wondering...

2010-09-11T20:32:00.000+01:00

we are constantly living in uncertainties of what the future may bring. you keep going on as life throws the most random of things your way and you're mostly stuck there figuring out how one piece fits the other. to make things worse, you vaguely have an idea of what the completed puzzle looks like and you barely had a glimpse at what the picture looked like on the cover of the box.
you're clueless and piece by piece you're trying to figure out how it all should fit together. new pieces are falling into the pile and you're picking them up as you go along.
constantly, people keeps walking by asking you what the picture is going to be of and how everything would fit together. they are eager to know the details of the puzzle so as to reassure themselves about their uncertainties.
truthfully, i am not the one who gets to decide what fate has painted on the larger scale, but i have enough faith to be convinced that it is as beautiful as anything my current emotions could comprehend. whether you'd have that same faith is something i would never know.
i only have these pieces that i can fit for mine, and the only thing left to do is to take it as it comes, and enjoy every moment of putting it together.

Writing...

2010-09-09T18:56:00.002+01:00

If you've been going to the book store, in these few days, you're probably tempted to get that book they've been displaying so much on large cardboard cut outs of Julia Roberts. I got that book today and have been reading it. I must say it made me want to write, just so I too can reflect on all those things I've gone through in life.

Just been reading the first few chapters. It's enlightening to read about her quests at attempting to discover God. At these times, I feel that I could relate to that. Will keep on reading.

Lama tak post anything. Selamat Hari Raya!

grow a beard.

2010-09-01T20:56:00.001+01:00

its 4weeks of will power at least.

Beards.org

Religion

2010-08-26T10:40:00.000+01:00

Have you ever seen those TV shows or films about some distant ancient tribes making sacrifices for the gods. They would tie a virgin up, or cook up something big, and throw it into a volcano somewhere so that the gods might find their sacrifices worthy of rain and let them live for another year. These people are so convinced that their gods had power over the rain, or the eruption of the volcano that they would, to the best of their ability, do what they can to cover the bases just so the gods will prevent a misfortune or bring something good to their community. Drum beats please.

So convinced are they of the power of their gods.

You might not believe that a virgin sacrifice or the worship of a rock, the sun, or some voodoo doll is going to provide salvation for you in this world. But one must stop to think, what does one actually believe in?

Without the obligation to make sacrifices, without the fear of an unseen power, without the clearest of conviction that there is an all knowing, all powerful being... Do we really believe in a God?

Make that sacrifice. It's as simple as that.

walk with me

2010-08-19T16:16:00.005+01:00

in these silence, i wish for your prayers.

i've read about some methods of curing the Greeks used to prescribe and that's taking long walks as a cure to the mind. and i think sometimes being in the midst of this boistorous world, we often times get consumed by the going ons around us. it is hard to reach out to our spiritual selves when we are soaking in a pool of temptations. having to do without food in a significant proportion of the day during Ramadan gives us that opportunity to step back, recede into the background and look at ourselves again.

and as we take that long walk through the parks of our minds, of the going ons around us, we can reflect upon the countless pointless things that we do just to throw our life away. the stupid things that we say, the mind numbing activities we put down as rejuvinating our strengths, our blatant disregard for our religious commandments. as the numbers on our foreheads count down to zero, we wonder how much of it do we have left. what have we got to show for it. are we really confident that we can get by with the flimsiest of faith.

let's take that walk. literally.

Ramadan

2010-08-11T19:02:00.000+01:00

A very short year has passed us by and Ramadan is here again. Alhamdulillah. And at times of great blessings, it is best for us to be reminded of the trials that Allah swt puts us through to help us get closer to Him. Sometimes it is easy to drift away in the lushness of our comforts but let us be reminded that too in itself is an unimaginable test of faith. Perhaps those who are standing bare in hopelessness, hoping for His every assisstance has it easier. Daily we progress through life sometimes mindlessly striving to establish ourselves without even the slightest confidence of the impending eternity that awaits. But its times like these that we get to reflect back and just try to improve ourselves.
Not having self-control and following your every desire (and its easier when you can) is a formula to just spiral down into a deep dark hole. Here we have an opportunity to retrain ourselves to build back that self-control mechanism, to start feeling guilty for our sins again, to say no to what we know were not suppose to be doing.

when the bed bugs come crawling and i cannot sleep.

2010-08-03T00:39:00.008+01:00

some say to be able to sustain readers on a blog, you'd have to create a sense of personal attachment with most of your readers, if not, people would not bother to come back. this is regardless of good content or not, filler posts and senseless diary logs.

do you find comfort in expressing yourself in written words? of course. does having readers help? definitely. what's my point? there is no point, bare with me, this is a senseless filler post yet i assure you very enlightening.

take my previous post for instance, about how i am briefly spending my holidays. no comments. why? because people don't care. do i know that when i was posting that entry? absolutely. u just know its a shit post when it is. nobody wants to know what i'm briefly doing. its details or nothing. that was an example of an unloved post. so, &*%$ you celebrity tweets! you never tell me anything i actually want to know like how you hate that other person or how much ca$h you have in your wallet.

here's where i get to the best part, shit posts people make on the net. i'm not excluded from this list. but because i had find words to define you people, i am better. haha.

let's make a list lah. you people like lists. and it makes comprehending this passage a little better because some of you excellent English speakers need classes.

Lets call this 'Things I hide on my Facebook wall... and other short stories"

5. How much you hate the world and everyone in it because you're just bitter nobody sent you flowers last Valentines day. And don't tell me you don't celebrate that. Remember what I told you about V-day? You don't get to choose whether you get flowers or not.

Solution: Self-diagnose. Was your status on the 14th of Feb anti-valentines? do you hate the world? Okay, now repent and love thy brothers. If you're single, go mingle.

ps. if you're single and not ready to mingle, seriously? WTF is that? LOL.

9. It's great that some people roots for their team every time there's a game on and surely a lot of people are very passionate about the game. what ever it may be. but i tend to hide those self sponsored Facebook live updates. Especially those that tries to portray how much of a man they are by having knowledge of the game.

It's wrong, being on Facebook is anything but manly. We do it. We're on it. But we know, obviously, that it sucks the macho out of us. Day by day by day.

Solution: Get a twitter account with the user ID "sports_update" and post the living %&*^ out of everyone.

20. Don't post things about getting married when you're not doing it for real.

Solution: Ask your mother, she agrees with me.

3. The volatile relationship statuses. I call it a cry for help.

Solution: Open up your heart... with a butcher knife. If you don't find what you're looking for, at least you'll die.

7. Yes, i want to know if you love your snuggle buns. maybe in 2 posting in a year just to know if you're still in a relationship. again, no live updates please.

Solution: be creative and come up with other awesome names for your Pooh Bear everytime you post, avoid cliches, and be poetically expressive. I would subscribe to your post just like that.

What number are we on? I got time... we'll do 3 more.

16. Azwan Sha.... owh wait, that's people I hide. Haha.

15. The semi-pretty face cam-whores. I suppose this is just up to personal standards really. If someone thinks you're really, really pretty, i suppose they wouldn't mind looking at your pretty face. If they think you're just semi-pretty, they and their whole village will burn your down and tear you apart.

Solution: Read more self-help books.

1. Last on our not yet exhausted list, we try to close this by encircling this sacred post back to where we started, by reminding our selves that social networks are meant for social interests. so draw the lines between updates, infos, and evil attempts at annoying people. play nice.

bye.

holiday

2010-07-17T10:51:00.002+01:00

hello. you must be wondering where have my wittiness gone all this while as you constantly obsess about the brief pause in the postings on this blog. i am on holiday. my friends on facebook would know that from the pictures people tag me in. i like pictures... it makes you look happy when you're not, sad when you're not, or fat when you're erm. yeah.
well, im currently on posting at PPUM trauma unit and im enjoying my time there. great bunch of people and good range of freedom. lol.
every night im at rasta and this has been a pretty long break as compared to my previous summer hols. will be back in UK for Ramadhan and that would be a stretch. but i always thought that fasting isnt that difficult anymore once youve grown up and is sure of your beliefs. many people isnt yet.
alrighty, im in the process of reinventing myself into a high-performance individual. im sucha slacker, so im trying...
the secret, so the dvd says is knowing that what you are now is the result of your past actions... dont bother where you are, but let everything gravitate towards everything you wish to become. the present is free for you to take control. noone knows the future and the past has gone by, all you got is making the best out of the present and be bold to be the best.

remember my pet last time?

2010-06-28T04:26:00.003+01:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

blurry.

2010-06-14T02:38:00.004+01:00

like a camera, the mind blurs out the peripheral views as you get focused on some things. only when your mind wanders off that you start to notice the things that you've missed. sometimes we are the blurry part in those views. we stand there unnoticed while we ourselves blur out the other things.

but to lose focus is to drift into misconceptions. once in a while, take a step back, breathe the fresh air in, and enjoy the panorama. because we've missed plenty that sometimes matter.

note to self.

2010-06-13T23:26:00.001+01:00

avoid screwing with life.

Think.

2010-06-04T20:31:00.008+01:00

No longer can I remember who gave that lecture, but it has affected me much as far as Fridays are concerned. It was mentioned that it is the responsibility of the men to attend the Friday congregation and bring back the knowledge that he acquired from the sermon to the wives and women who are at home. we don't always share or talk about the things we get from those - a wasted source for an interesting means of healthy discussion.

perhaps due to the political nature of our country, Friday sermons always end up being religiously binding and irrelevant to the masses who (including myself), lets face it, have very basic understanding if not (provokingly), very basic faith in what we believe in. we'd talk endlessly about heaven and hell, the deeds and misdeeds, and palestinian holy wars just to avoid having to make difficult religious choices which calls for self assessment. maybe in fear of political misjudgement and support for radical islamic parties. perhaps these are just my inner self-delusions which i beg to be corrected.

i suppose the muslim minority in western countries have more to talk about in the need to aspire to be as islamic as we superficially delude ourselves to believe that we are -- freedom to pray in mosques, the pride to openly broadcast the athan, and interest free islamic banking. we pride in becoming a progressive islamic nation simply by allowing religious figures to dictate religious acts and secular issues to be discussed by scholars of those studies.

one of the things that i've learned today at the Friday sermon in Liverpool is about the importance of applying your knowledge (not only of religion) to learn to question what we are religiously told about and having the openness to probe further into better understanding of the nature of things. surely the Almighty has control over all things but let not our laziness in thinking and in act lead us to solely depend on him while avoiding our basic responsibility as a member of a functional society. one of the things which are specifically mentioned and caught my attention was the issue regarding our health (most of the time, medical students takes the stage to chair these Friday congregations). It was said that even the most informed among us would silence and opt to believe in miracles of obtaining health through miraculous means of reciting some scriptures of the holy book and completely neglecting our knowledge of the world just because a binding religious argument is proposed. the importance of addressing this issue of laziness of justifications based on our understanding of the world is stressed. always think about what you are being told and derive your conclusions based on your intelligence; question things which are ambiguous and obtain a more convincing conclusion from issues of religion. consult experts of the field and not those who just freely quote things (as good of intentions they may be) out of context.

be proactive, do not insult your own intelligence and do not burden your Lord by hoping for blessings we do not deserve as a result of our laziness. that said, the nature of excellence of muslims is already implied when we put our whole trust in God.

Boom!

2010-05-30T01:28:00.002+01:00

i've always wondered what it would be like to tell someone off. and on occasions, despite my cool exterior, i am known to erupt on ethically ideal grounds. and like most people who cares, being right doesn't make you feel that great. that's why most of the time i try to let other people have that feeling which in turn leads to the afore mentioned volcano effect from time to time.

i feel bad for those whose lives are affected upon eruptions but i guess we should all learn from great natural disasters. you make sacrifices, repent before it's too late, pick up the pieces, and hope to God it won't happen again.

what up!

2010-05-23T04:41:00.002+01:00

if i can level with you, it doesn't mean that i'm gonna let you bring me down to your level. here's the thing about being nice, people get comfortable and all warm and wrapped up in your presence that sometimes they ended up trying to consume your niceness. i'm a nice guy, but it don't make me your little brother. perhaps many people have not met people who would be friend them for reasons they do not quite understand, but i have my opinions and being a friend doesn't mean i say yes to your bullshit. if you think you bigger than me, fine... i'll just grab you by the balls. and i won't be gentle, cos wouldn't you like that. sometimes when people play with fire and burning their house down, just add to it so that they'll figure their dumbshit out for themselves.

the water, i'll just use it to cool meself off.

pointless

2010-05-17T21:14:00.003+01:00

it is a struggle sometimes to keep a blog alive. at one point in time, i think everyone must've had one and figured boy, i'm going to write something for the world to read and then the feelings just go away. at times you have everything pouring in for you to share with the world, and sometimes, its a blank.

i think blogs are reserved for those times where you start to wonder about things around you. it is an automated state of mind where you're emotionally driven in ways unintended. something you came across in the paper, the things you learned in class, or that note scribbled on the men's room wall. anything really.

its for when you start to think without thinking. :)

ps. filler post. haha.

Syukur

2010-05-10T20:37:00.001+01:00

Let us all take time and be thankful for what we have now so that we will have the courage to strive for better things later.

respect

2010-05-07T07:50:00.003+01:00

as we go through life, we meet people of different kinds. some friends, foes, and those who doesn't even know you exist. hurtful things will be said in conversations we prolong but only through these prolong conversations will we get to gel the bond between us. we must not let ourselves delude us from interpreting what is said through our own weak sentiments but let judgement be on the intention of the other person. respect is given through many means, and some people nudge you just because they care more about you than another person. but let not disrespectful ones define who you are.

dad blogged this on his page... you look at things not as they are, but as you are.

we don't need to ask people to grow up, just smile when you see your mind mature.

Fitting in...

2010-05-02T06:35:00.000+01:00

Always wonder how you fit into someone else's equation. Maybe you'll find out you no longer belong.
We make our rules and have our expectations. So does everyone else.

Life?

2010-05-02T06:26:00.001+01:00

When you're in high school, lifes a music video. Then its a movie when you get to college. In university, you get to make those music videos and movies. Then i dunno, i'm still living this english-euro-low budget movie. Maybe theres real life on the other side...

alive

2010-05-01T07:40:00.002+01:00

i love to write rhymes to keep my mind alive.

diniewanrhyme.wordpress.com